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Archive for March, 2012

‘We cried out to the LORD God….and the LORD heard our voice and looked on our affliction’
I don’t really need to say anything about this scripture, it speaks for itself.
All I can add is to confirm what it states…..I’ve been at the end of my strength and power so often in my life. Times that I was so deep in despair that the only way out seemed to be death alone. Yet, I always seemed to pull through. First I thought it was because I’m a fighter, a survivor; now I know that I would have succumbed to my troubles long ago had it not been for the voice of God.
He really hears us when we pray. He may act in His own good time upon our most desperate prayers, but I’m sure He knows what is the best for us.
A lady asked me the other day if there is anything I would change in my life. Now those who know me, will remember the hell I went through very early in my life. They will not know how I still battle my demons, though. Anyway, I didn’t even had to consider an answer to her question…..no, NO, NO…I do not wish to change anything – both the good and bad that happened to me made me what I am today and I kinda like the person I’ve grown into! You see my point? God knew what I will learn in my life, He allowed things to happen so that He can mold the person He wants me to be. Yes, God listens all the time and, yes, He may not take away the hard times, but He will give you strength and courage to get through it.

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So glad its school holidays! My kids drive me insane, but I so love it when they stay home.
Had a nice visit with bro’ today. Good to see the family again. Oh, and Dad’s been discharged from hospital. This means no more driving around all day to fetch and visit and so forth.
All in all this has been one of the better days I’ve had for a month. I guess I have alot to be thankful for. Not only did I survive a pulmonary embolism, but God held my hand through some tough things. That just goes to show; we may think we are alone in our trials and tribulations, but there is allways Someone bigger than us that knows when to lend a hand. I admit that I loose my faith often….when I get so desperate being on my own, forced to make decisions and caring for others despite my shortcomings. So, yes, thank you God…..if You did not help me, no-one would.

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Yeah…..you read it right! These past few weeks was a toss-up between the rabbit hole and Neverland! ……in many ways the times resembled a rough cross between the Matrix and Transylvania too (being a horror lover, I’m all for the latter!). Anyway, here we are now nearly 4 weeks into the shark infested waters that life drowns you in an times. My comment on looking back? ‘What the….?!’
I can’t believe that things can go SO wrong! There is definitely something to the words ‘it snowballs’….in this case ‘it avalanched’. Well, I’m not complaining, but I just hope it’s over now. We’re still waiting for Dad’s test results…..so there is still a little doubt there. My own results are also still out there, but frankly I couldn’t care less….what will be, will be..the point is……I survived a pulmonary embolism and kept on sweeping and dusting! I’m grateful for that.
Once again these past few weeks brought along an entire family of events…..some bad, some good, some scary, but always with a footnote, a lesson or a test. I have believed, and always will believe that life is the only school that matters. It wraps us up in a rich concoction of experiences and what we do with this ‘life-blanket’ is our choice. The more we learn, the cosier the blanket becomes….we learn to accept fate, but most importantly, we learn how to deal with life itself as we move along its rocky pathways.
Oh goodness…..I’ve just used so many metaphores….even I don’t know what to day about THAT!! Point is, we have one life…..we just live it passionately. Carpe diem – seize the day.

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The verdict

The ol’ cardiologist was very impressed with the condition of my 45 year old heart. :-))) Apart from the sporadic mitral valve prolapse and cystol (extra beat) everything looks good. So I’m still baffled by this sudden relapse. In retrospect I think what happened was actually a pulmonary embolysm….I had ALL the symptoms. From the burning ache in my calf to the chest pains and breathlessness. I just never thought of bringing it up that I do have problems with varicose veins and deep vein thrombosis…..sometimes I can be such a schmuck!!! Anyway, I’ll ask him on Thursday when I call for the results of my blood tests.
I’m just thankful to feel better and that my heart seems okay.
Jess, my cat, also seems better tonight. The vet says she has a viral infection (the same thing Queeny had) and she’s getting meds for that. Phew!!! I so hope that our horrid times are in the past!
Dad is still in hospital. He doesn’t look well and is in a lot of pain. Sometimes I don’t understand why God allows such suffering (and loneliness, loss of humanity and dignity) to continue. Dad is 84 years old……I think he deserves to leave this life with his sense of pride and self-esteem intact. He has lived a good, kind life; worked very hard to take care of his family and now he is in a home for the frail elderly. He is alone….perhaps God will be gentle and understanding and let him leave this place. I feel terrible about the thought of his dying, but I feel worse knowing that I can do nothing to change neither his condition nor his circumstances.

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Look, me’s never scared….me’s a brave li’l girlscout, but….. Yes, you are SO right; I’m still going on about my premonitions! Strange, stranger……REALLY weird….that was the way this Sunday. Apart from the usual sights and sounds of psychecysm (now THERE’s a word for you!) …I’ve had things happen that’s all too real. I was nearly killed 3 times today….once I was attacked by a recluse-spider (it was ‘reclusing’ in my son’s closet. God, I nearly fainted! I have arachnophobia!), then a car nearly crashed into me (the stupid ass reversed directly into the street in front of me, I stopped just in time and he hit the bumper of the truck in front of me), finally another car stopped in the middle of a crossing (the light turned red, you see – bloody idiot!), just as I was approaching….fortunately I had time to swerve around him. Sheez! What a nerve-wrecking day! Obviously you understand my concern….it would definitely seem that someone, somewhere has a contract out on me. ‘Seeking lost girl scout, Sharon, dead. Reward offered.’ I can almost smell the paper its printed on! Perhaps all these lurking, shadowy figures really ARE just biding their time until the confirmation of flatline comes from the boss!
Oh yes, and another weird thing! I have this obsession with numerology….specifically the numbers 3 and 13. Listen to this: my kitten was born on 1/13/2012, she came to us on (hold on to you hats!) 3/10/2012, lived here for 13 days and died on 3/23/2012….look at all those 3’s and 13’s, not to mention what happens when you start adding and subtracting and all those clever things. Anyway, I thought it was weird, if not particularly significant. Well, enough said for today…..sleepy-time now. Tomorrow its me and the cardiologist….shall I say it? I’m just DYING to meet him!!! Ha-ha-ha…

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Premonitions

I’ve known things intuitively since I was little and I’ve seen my odd share of bizarre visions as well. Through bitter experience I have learned to trust these ‘glimpses’ and ‘feelings’. I see visions of people before they die, for instance….I saw my sister, my mother, my grandmothers and most recently my Dad’s uncle Gert. I never talk about these things as people simply don’t believe me AND I often ascribe it to my own vivid imagination myself. Usually I only put two and two together AFTER the fact. The first time I told someone was when I saw my sister…I told HER that I saw her, but NOT what I understood it to mean. Two weeks after I told her, she was dead.
This whole discussion has been brought on by recent ‘paranormal’ events….you have to understand that this gift/curse only manifests itself rarely…..a few times a year perhaps and sometimes many years will go by without any honest to God visions. Feelings I have very often and then mostly about simple, mundane things like which road I should take when I drive somewhere or checking on the kids at night. These past few weeks, though, real serious stuff has been happening. I’ve been seeing shapes, figures and shadows in the corners of my eyes basically every single day. I can’t make out who it is, but its definitely a person….short and its a male. The other thing was the kitten…..when Riaan brought her home as a gift I knew something was not quite right. From the first moment I saw her I just had the distinct feeling that she will not stay for long….I was right; and this saddens me terribly….she really was a good little kitty and I got attached to her quickly. The thing was, I felt something was wrong with her from the start and the idea of Riaan to buy her was off…it wasn’t right. Anyhow, now she’s gone and I have a huge hole in my heart.
The OTHER thing is that, today my Dad was taken ill and he is now in the hospital with severe stomach upset, nausea, etc, etc, etc. This evening, when I saw him I got the distinct feeling that he’s not going to be with us much longer. As a matter of fact, he looked like a dead man already. I didn’t say anything to him about it of course, but I did mention it to Riaan. Perhaps these fleeting images I see is visions of his imminent demise. I really don’t know, but it bothers me. Perhaps I’m just full of crap! Who knows?
So I’m waiting and watching with this terrible foreboding in the pit of my stomach…..you know, with me having trouble caused by my heart disease, it may very well be that these figures are waiting in the wings for me to take a dirt nap so that they can lead me into the light or something! I’ll find out soon enough I’m sure, I’m seeing my cardiologist on Monday, my Dad definitely is not well, my sister-in-law is sick with stomach flu, brother’s granddaughter has been in the hospital twice in the past week, my kitten is already dead and my older cat is sneezing….and if I never write a post again, you’ll know the answer(s)!!!
By the way, did I mention the noises I’ve been hearing??? Strange murmuring voices, funny clanks and clunks…..and the dogs are constantly restless. Auras are also more pronounced. Weird times in Hattingh Valley, don’t you agree?

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On the 10th I introduced my new baby….the very adorable kitten, Queen Elizabeth. I’m sad to say that she passed away this morning. After only 2 weeks in our house she has stolen our hearts and will be sorely missed. Thank you sweetheart, for bringing so much happiness in such a short time. I hope you are at peace now…and without the suffering of your catflu. You will always be loved.

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