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Archive for May, 2014

Untangled

 

“Others fell on the good soil and yielded a crop . . .” (Matthew 13:8).

 

In the break of morning, as sunlight falls gently on flowers not yet opened, know that I fall softly, too. I am the light that covers all the land. Some flowers stretch their stems high to be covered by the light. Some are tangled in weeds that block the light from reaching their faces. And darkness is what covers.

 

But light filters through all darkness, child.

 

Nothing cannot be untangled. There is a way out from the mess of secrets and distorted truths, from a focus on treasures that sap energy from weary roots rather than let sweet water flow.

I reach down with my hands and untangle the mess—creating order from disorder. But all can get tangled again.

 

The light is above you. Stand tall. Rise to it. I show you where it is.

 

Roots are thirsty. Let them drink and not be choked. You are cared for in your own place, with my hand tending you, my light touching you, my word quenching your thirst. To get untangled, you must focus on Me. You must stand straight and tall in my light, wanting it to touch you.

 

You must want Me to touch you.

 

You must want Me to care for you. You must want Me to give you what you need and be willing to bear the adjustments of untangling.

 

In what are your roots tangled? How are your leaves too close to weeds that they wither from lack of sufficient light? Do you want Me to show you? Do you let Me untangle you? Do you want to stretch upwards, away from this mess I did not create for you to thrive in?

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Will you let yourself be transferred and replanted in rich, fertile soil?

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#exams #funnies

Check out these answers…BRILLIANT!

Funny exam via Facebook

 

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It's all about attitude!!! Via #RinaHattingh on #Facebook

Timeline Photos – Rina Honey Hattingh.

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Because of the events of the past week….things that have changed my life and the way I think about many things, I wish to share this lovely poem by Mary Elizabeth Frye that I found on Facebook. 

Death has always been a reality to me; I’ve never feared it (for myself, that is)…death doesn’t scare me, but we all make the huge mistake of thinking that our demise is still far off….somewhere in the distance, years and years from now. With the recent tragedies we had in our family death has become a close acquaintance, someone who seems to have overstayed his welcome. Still, I am not scared to die, but, in the recent days and hours, I’ve been considering the consequences for my dear ones. What on earth will happen to them when I’m gone? 

I hope they will find some kind of solace in this poem….the knowledge that I am not entirely gone, like those loved ones I’ve lost are not entirely gone. Death is a natural thing, part of living, like birth….it is a doorway to another ”part” of life, in my opinion…I just hope they will see it that way.

And, friends, I hope you enjoy reading this beautiful poem as much as I did.

Have a peaceful week…

Via TheManKindProject on Facebook (www.facebook.com/themankindproject)

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush

Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.

I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave bereft
I am not there. I have not left.

–Mary Elizabeth Frye

In honor of those who have gone before us and are dearly missed.

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Leading and listening (inspired by article on Loop)

I started reading the above article on http://www.gatherministries.com’s page: Loop and immediately saw the significance of the scripture that inspired their writing this morning, its significance in my own life at THIS specific time.

The Lord your God who goes before you . . .” (Deuteronomy 1:30).

(I will attach the full article below my own ramblings for your reading pleasure and inspiration.)

On Friday I was given some news; now to some people it may have been quite devastating and I will lie if I tell you I wasn’t shocked when I heard. I am due to have some surgery done, you see, a double mastectomy, no less. Fortunately an immediate reconstruction will take place, so I won’t have to face months of staring at my flat(ter) chest (I don’t have much on top anyway). In April a lump was discovered once more (the fourth time) in my left breast and, as it is very tiny, a biopsy seems a bit impossible. Many who know me and my family, also will remember that there is quite the family history of breast cancer. It goes back 5 generations with both my sister and great-grandmother dead as a result of breast cancer, Mom with a mastectomy at age 56, aunt with nearly 12 lumpectomies under (or is it ”above”) her belt and part of the one breast removed due to malignancy AND grandmom – also lumpectomies. 

Now, ten years ago, two months after sister’s death a doctor suggested I have a preventative bilateral mastectomy….needless to say, the young(ish) me thought the man was TOTALLY nutso. ”It’s like cutting off your leg, because you’re scared of breaking your ankle!” I cried, quite exasperated at the time…”Are you, like, CRAZY!! Who will DO something like that!!” Oh, clever little ol’ me, huh? Didn’t know much, although I obviously thought I was being extremely wise and (oh, say it!) ….brave-faced. The fact is that, despite my fuming reaction to such a bizarre suggestion, I did SO start thinking about it. It continued to, kind of, haunt me…

In the years to come it was a strange experience to go for my annual mammogram and sonar and NOT have them find something to biopsy or aspirate or often, ”lumpectomize”. All the time I suffered with a case of the ”brave”….I will NOT cry/worry/show my fear; no, I’ll be brave/happy/unemotional/supportive of those who DO worry/accepting, etc, la-de-da and so forth….I will stand in the face of death and…laugh at it…I did a good job at pretending (my family will agree with that).

The thing is, and I admit it now, here, freely….I’m scared to death!! Have been since Mom got sick in 1986…it got gradually worse as my aunt’s number of lumpectomies increased and then, finally (yes, giggle all you want….the last nail in the coffin, so to speak) when sister died in 2004. I’ve been turning it over and over in my mind all these years, but never really THOUGHT about it. I put it somewhere on a mind shelve, high, where there is lots of dust and one’s hand cannot reach…out of sight out of mind as they say. Not quite….it was always their….LURKING!

Now its upon me….the lump cannot be biopsied, I have several growths and painful fibro-adenosis AND (trumpets) I am at THAT age!! So when doc suggested the op, I just kinda leaped at the idea…do it already, I shouted! Why wait? Just get it over and done with, so that I can begin a fresh new life, without this damn LURKING thing on that old dusty shelve (and with…hahahaha…brandnew boobs to boot!) Yes…I know what you’re thinking…where’s the spunky gal that called this procedure a ”crazy” idea???? To be honest? I don’t really give a….well, you just complete that yourself… It was like something just tapped me on the shoulder and said: ”Hey, ya fool!! Catch a wake-up!! This is your chance to do SOMEthing to prevent another tragedy! Do this FOR YOU…. NOW! JUMP!!” …and I jumped.

Still…ever since this decision (I see the plastic surgeon tomorrow)…I’ve had my ”you’re stupid”-thoughts. Enters God’s voice….loud and clear this time; not to be ignored it seems. It is around every corner (even in my mind-corners and on those dusty shelves)…everywhere, every day…time and time again and now, with this scripture and piece from Loop….it’s here once again. I don’t believe in coincidences, I believe that things happen for a reason, so let me tell you how I suddenly realized how actively God and Spirit speak to us…..we just have to open our hearts and minds and LISTEN!!!

So, on Friday I got the biggie…..I wanted to be brave, but just couldn’t and, at times, I totally lost it. Over the week-end I read an article about someone who lost her mother to breast cancer. She tells the reader how terrible it was for her, how she felt, how it ruined her entire life and how long it took to heal emotionally after that loss. The mother was 47. (I am 47 too….but read on, this is only the first one.) On Monday, in yet another magazine, I read about a girl who was raised by her father, because her mother lost her life at age 47 because of breast cancer. In one of my SK-books (you’ll know who I’m talking about if you frequently read my blog)…the writer tells the story of a mother, age 47, who died as a result of breast cancer and how bad life was for him after that. Tuesday, at my Yoga class, all of a sudden, there were 3 ladies who survived breast cancer, 2 with mastectomies and one with a malignant lump…one of them exactly 10 years younger than me. Also, after class, a lady came up to me and told me that she sees a shadow of cancer over me, but that I will be healed….she didn’t know about my op, so I told her, yes, I will be healed, because I’m having a double mastectomy done, but that I’m not really sure if there is cancer present, because of the impossibility of a biopsy. Then, last night, on Long Island Medium, Theresa Caputo read a man whose Mom passed away at (surprise) age 47. She had breast cancer and died in his arms…the man was devastated, felt guilty for years and so forth.

Now for the REALLY unbelievable part… Last night I had a dream (I KNOW how it sounds)….I dreamt I had a scab on my back and I pulled it off. Once it came off, I notice a whitish thing, like a string, just under the skin, so I pulled at it and it started to come out of my shoulder. The string became a thick cord and at its end was a (this IS weird) loofa. Sticking to this loofa, clotted with bad smelling stuff, was something like a wet wipe. I removed these things painlessly and saw there was more…I removed a wad of cotton wool too. (My husband said, when I told him, I should have looked for more stuff….maybe a tool or something he can use in the garage!! Ha to him!) By now this thing was leaking strange fluid, dark and smelling really bad (thank goodness it was just a dream!) and I ran to flush the stuff down the loo. In my dream I turned to my husband and said: ”Why doesn’t it hurt? Why DIDN’T it hurt, for that matter? With so much weird stuff in one’s body one should expect it must hurt!” This morning I realized the meaning of this….neither my sister or mother, my grandmom or great-gran OR my aunt, ever had ANY pain at all. There was NO warning of the cancer….it was just THERE. So, who knows, perhaps I do have a malignancy and God is warning me to take care of it NOW in the way that He showed me and the way that He is indeed leading me toward. One other thing these strange experiences did, though, I now will definitely insist on having the excised tissue and glands tested properly….just in case.

Now you will HAVE to read the Loop article, huh? Well, it is attached below…its REALLY GREAT.  After reading it, it became even clearer that I am NOT doing a stupid thing, I am NOT acting impulsively, I am NOT making a mistake….I am supposed to do this and, you know what, I am very happy with that idea. I have no fear of death or pain, but it is wonderful to know that if I ever should die, at least my children will be bigger and they will not have to deal with the terrible memory of seeing the agony of cancer and disease on their mother’s face, they will never have to worry that they didn’t do enough to help me, they will never have to miss me at school functions/special occasions…I will be here for a while yet and, when God takes me, He will take me when He knows my kids will be emotionally ready and mature to deal with it in a good and healthy way. In the end, is this not why I live? I live for my kids….those three not-so-little people are my entire life and they deserve a happy, worry-free mother and when I die, they have the right to remember the way I lived and NOT the way I died (like I remember how my sister died…..that face never leaves my mind’s eye)….don’t you agree???

All these hidden messages, these whispers in my dreams, in the things I read, the people I talk to, even the television psychic I so love to watch….that is God’s way of LEADING me and me, well, friends and neighbors, I do SO intend to LISTEN!!!!

Well, here is Loop’s article. If you wish to read it go to http://www.gatherministries.com/loop. Please read it and be inspired!!!

Leading and Listening

 

The Lord your God who goes before you . . .” (Deuteronomy 1:30).

 

I lead, you follow.

 

There is a time for leading—following Me. And there is a time for listening, trusting my voice in you and waiting on it.

 

Know that I speak.

 

Lead by listening, not on your own. Then leading comes from the true place I call you to—the foundation that you can never doubt, the rock that never wavers, sure footing where you can always stand.

 

I ask you to go ahead, sometimes into new places, but they are places where I have been. And I show you the way to go there. You never head out—leading the way, on your own.

 

I am your guide, your beacon, your map, your voice.

 

I am the one who goes ahead and marks the trail. Sit and listen first, so you can recognize my voice when you head out into new territory, the two of us, together.

 

Do you hear Me? Do you recognize Me? Do you know the feel of my arm around you, my whisper of hope and love?

 

I am your strength. Nothing else.

 

I am the one who loves you and sends you out, with my voice in you.

 

There is no place I won’t speak.

 

 

 

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