Archive for June, 2015


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Our girl


How often have I wondered, how often had I thought….had I called your parents on that day…would you have still been here with us? Would they have listened or would they’ve thought it just a whim from crazy sister? What would have been different? What would have changed? All that I  know now is after all these years, the heartache and the pain still stays, no matter how long ago it was. I close my eyes and I see you still in your brown sweater and corduroy pants, waiting for Riaan to come pick me up…missing him, just… Us, calling you to get out of the street….but it was not THAT street that took you, no, it was another, darker road. And why? Why? Always the question, never an answer….it was over, it was done; and thereafter NOTHING mattered anymore, nothing could be worse than losing you…

And the pain in the eyes of your parents, always lingering, just below the surface….I wish, I wish it was me, I wish, I wish I could just take away that heartache.

I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you, I’m sorry you are gone…..I’m sorry I’m alive and you were taken…I’m sorry for the pain I cannot heal…I’m sorry….and…

I love you, my darling Ilze, I’ll love you forever and ever…..and hope that, one day, I will be able to see you again and then, perhaps then, this hole in my heart will be filled…

Happy birthday sweet girl.

Forever yours, Shani….

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