Archive for December, 2018

Goodbye 2018

This year saw the birth of my first grandchild, the retirement of my husband, my daughter finishing primary school and my younger son finally completing grade 12. Not too shabby, huh?

The most important thing that happened was quite different than these events, though. I have opened my eyes AND my mind to the truth. For years I have allowed other people to steal my joy and this year, well, I sent them packing. I finally stopped trying to give people the benefit of the doubt and started to see through their motives and, despite the pain it caused, I’ve cut the ties. My entire life I’ve served others, not to please them, but because I really wanted to. These past few years have been TERRIBLE, to say the least, but do you know what? None of those to whom I’ve given so much even tried to help. No words of comfort or support, just back stabbing and judgement. When people you love cannot even listen to what you have to say, you realize that they are a lost cause. The only thing I am angry about is that it took me a lifetime to understand that people are selfish and if you cannot do anything to uplift them, you are totally worthless to them.

2018 was my year of being DONE. I’ve grieved for those I lost, I’ve mourned the pain of the past, but now it’s over. I’m letting go of it all. I don’t need friends or family that treat me badly, despite the fact that I’ve never done anything to hurt them. I don’t need to pretend that I don’t see how false they really are. I’ve looked in the mirror and I know I’m not perfect. I make plenty mistakes every single day and I know I’ve hurt others in the past. Those who care to remember when I did something wrong also know that I ALWAYS took responsibility, and openly apologized. Maybe I should add that I often took responsibility for other’s mistakes as well, making excuses for their bad behaviour and their evil doings. Trying to make sense and give reason to their unreasonable actions was exhausting! It’s DONE, it’s OVER!

Speak of me in any way you like, you don’t know me. Judge me any way you want, I don’t care. Why? Because God sees all. God knows the truth behind EVERYTHING. If you speak evil of a person, if you gossip, if you judge, if you lie, if you hurt someone, you will have to explain yourself to a Higher Power than me. So go ahead, enjoy digging your hole. Make it nice and deep, but don’t expect me to step in and stop you or help you out. This is your responsibility, not mine, no longer.

For far too long I’ve allowed my light to be dimmed by other people. I’ve been living in darkness, in limbo for half a century (no kidding).  So, while 2018 was by no stretch of the imagination an easy year, I think it was a breakthrough year for me. That is why I don’t have New Year’s resolutions. I have New Year’s AFFIRMATIONS!! Positive ones!

I don’t want to think about the past anymore, I don’t want to drag that baggage along by thinking things like “I’m unhappy” or “This was a bad day”.  I want to start my days by saying: “I am blessed”, “I am lucky”, “I am happy”, “I can do this”.

Leave the Past Behind

A poem by Jordyn C. Taylor

Here it goes again, another try.
Dry your eyes. for another day has come to arise.
So many pieces of you shattered and scattered here, there and everywhere.
It is time to repair, mend your wings so that you can soar further than before.
Something was broken inside of you from a dark past that you hide. 
Dig deeper; because your beauty will prevail.
Dig deeper; because you have something to prove.
Dig deeper; because you refuse to lose.
After the rain, after despair.
It is said that a rainbow will come to light,  life does  becomes more clear.
Look at that beautiful face, learn to love yourself for a change.
Here it goes again, with nothing but a beacon of fate
Nothing but the determination that you will not break.
How cruel the world can be, making you feel inadequate and insecure.
To leave the past behind, not an easy affair. 
And as the cracks of you begin to show.
I will love you still, I will be here while you heal.
Mend your wings, so you may soar further than before.
You are stronger now, that is assured.
Here it goes again, another try.
Dry your eyes, for another day has come to arise.

Poem source: hellopoetry.com

Thank you God for teaching me wisdom and truth. Thank you God for showing me Your grace and giving me Your strength each day. Thank you for every good day AND bad day. The good days are to be cherished and relished in, the bad days always, ALWAYS ended and left me with more hope, more resilience and more knowledge.

Thank you God for 2018.

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Img via @newsboys on Twitter

I have spoken about this so many times. How people get stuck in the past and how they continue to fuss about things done. If you are someone like that, I have to tell you this secret: you cannot change the past.

It is simple, even if time travel was possible, would you really want to revisit those bad days? What would you change? The truth is, though, that we cannot just power up the old flux capacitor and zoom into the days gone by. You have no choice but to accept whatever happened.

The mistake we make is that we become so consumed with worry about what was, that we forget to live our lives today. We keep on looking over our shoulder, endlessly trying to figure out where we went wrong or why things slipped away, that we become completely unable to see a future.

Read the scripture again. Do you see that God is actually doing new things for each one of us? If you hold on to the hurt and mistakes of the past, you will miss out on all these beautiful and exciting things that He has planned for you.

This ‘baggage’ include things like grudges and regrets. If someone wronged you in the past, let it go. Forgive the person completely. Let go of your anger and rage. Even if you know that the person in question will never acknowledge your forgiveness, nor confess that they wronged you. That is NOT your responsibility. Every one will, when the time comes, have to explain their own actions. You will not have to do the explaining on their behalf. So do what you can. Forgive and forget. If you do not do this, you will remain caught in your own bitterness and you will live under a constant cloud of hatred for the rest of your life. This dark cloud will keep the light of the future God wants you to live from entering your life.

Have you ever done something that you regret? Something that, if you think about it, you just know changed your life, and not necessarily for the better. Think about this for a minute and ask yourself: “Can I go back and change my mind?” Of course not! Each one of us must live with the consequences of our choices, be it good or bad. If you made a wrong decision in the past, you have to accept it and move on.  You may not be able to change the sequence of events caused by your wrong choice, but you can change how you perceive it. Make the best of what you have and what you are today, despite your past mistake. Look at it as a learning curve, a mistake you will not ever make again. Then let it go.

We carry all these regrets and grudges around with us. It drags us down and, when we get particularly blue, we tend to pick up those bad thoughts and nurture it like a dark jewel. By turning it around and around in our minds we darken our thoughts and we become filled with bitterness. We can become so consumed by these issues that it would seem there is no way out. Follow this road down the rabbit hole and you will enter a shadowland from which there is no escape. 

Unfortunately life will continue around you and you will miss out on all the opportunities you may be offered. Times when you can live and love, laugh and enjoy the light will be wasted. I urge you then, do not fall into this trap. Unpack your baggage, bring it out into the light and get rid of those haunting demons in your past. Let them be.

Make a good and positive choice today, one you will never regret. Smile and nod and allow the past to go. Now, open your eyes and look up to the sky…your life is waiting. 



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